Basic Rights in a Relationship

If you have been involved in emotionally abusive relationships, you may not have a clear idea of what a healthy relationship is like. Evans (1992) suggests the following as basic rights in a relationship for you and your partner:

• The right to goodwill from the other.

• The right to emotional support.

• The right to be heard by the other and to be responded to with courtesy.

• The right to have your own view, even if your partner has a different view.

• The right to have your feelings and experience acknowledged as real.

• The right to receive a sincere apology for any jokes you may find offensive.

• The right to clear and informative answers to questions that concern what is legitimately your business.

• The right to live free from accusation and blame.

• The right to live free from criticism and judgment.

• The right to have your work and your interests spoken of with respect.

• The right to encouragement.

• The right to live free from emotional and physical threat.

• The right to live free from angry outbursts and rage.

• The right to be called by no name that devalues you.

• The right to be respectfully asked rather than ordered.

SAFETY PLANNING

if you are in an unsafe relationship

1. Educate yourself through a safe computer about domestic violence.

2. Recognize warning signs and determine your safest options for leaving.

3. Secure a set of car keys outside your house.

4. Pack a bag with: cash, clothes, a safe cell phone, charger, medicines, passport,  birth certificate, social security card, insurance cards, immigration or naturalization papers, utility or tax bill for further documentation. Place the bag somewhere safe.

5. Choose a person you trust to call or contact, if necessary. A friend, family member, or colleague can help you determine additional options and provide support.

6. Have your children and pets in a safe place.

If you decide to leave: Keep in mind this can be a frightening or dangerous time.

• Adjust your plan for these circumstances: Secure another cell phone that is safe.

• Change your routine. Drive different routes, use different banking branches.

• Reschedule appointments.

• Never be alone with your partner. Meet in a public place. Tell someone that you are meeting your partner and where.

Community Resources

• 911

• Domestic Violence Agencies

  • CT Statewide Hotline Toll-free 888-774-2900

  • Domestic Violence Crisis Center Hotline 203-588-9096

  • Center For Family Justice Hotline 203-384-9599

  • Greenwich Domestic Abuse Services Hotline 203-622-0003

Sources: National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, Center for Disease Control, HealtyPlace.com, Psychologytoday.com, SafeHorizons.com, OneLove.com, FamilyLaw.com, Psychiatry.org/intimatepartnerviolence.com